Wednesday, September 29, 2010

feeling sheepish


When my friend Lissa asked us if we wanted to go along to this year’s Sheep and Wool Festival in Jefferson, Wisconsin it sounded like a great idea. Not only was it a beautiful day to be outdoors enjoying the autumn sunshine, but it also gave us a chance to wander around for a few hours, fascinated by shepherds and border collies…


sheep ….

people who raise them ….


and shear them…..

and turn wooly fleeces into gorgeous skeins of brightly colored yarn.


I could have spent the whole day at the border collie field trials watching the shepherds whistling to their dogs or shouting out verbal signals – “come by me…lay down…away by me…that’ll do…”



Meanwhile, the dogs obviously love nothing as much as the thrill of herding sheep. As soon as they’re given the command “go get sheep” off they go at a gallop, tearing madly across the field in a huge arc in order to come up behind their charges and avoid spooking them.



It was fascinating to watch them as they carefully maneuvered the sheep from the far end of the field, through the gates and into the pen. And although technically the shepherds were calling the shots, there was no doubt that the dogs knew exactly what they were supposed to be doing because they’ve been born to look after sheep and it’s been that way for a long, long time. I think that’s one reason I was so captivated by the whole spectacle…..just the realization that human beings, dogs and sheep have been communicating this way for centuries and so far technology hasn’t been able to come up with a better way of doing it.



The same thing is true of what happens when it’s time for sheep shearing. It’s done in pretty much the same way as it’s always been done – except that now there are electric shears to make it easier for both the sheep and the shearer.


I spent over an hour watching David Kier, a professional sheep shearer from California who makes his living traveling all over the country shearing flocks of sheep…a profession that’s probably nearly as old as the other oldest profession on earth! As I watched his demonstration it occurred to me that I was learning more than I’ll ever need to know about sheep shearing techniques and how to handle both the fleece and the sheep that it’s being taken from.



When it was time to leave for home I had already made a mental note about making sure to come back again next year….and perhaps sign up for one of the many classes that are offered on everything from spinning and weaving to how to handle a newly shorn fleece. It’s just another example of how wonderful it is that there is such a wide variety of things to learn in this life and so many ways to be passionate about the things that interest us.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Blogging?



It’s been some time since I’ve written anything for my blog and it will probably be just as long before I get back to it again. It’s because I am trying to follow some advice I picked up last June at the Iowa Writers Festival. On the last day of class the instructor reminded us that it’s important to make time each day to write. Following a spirited discussion about how hard that is to do given the fact that life keeps getting in the way, we all calmed down and started sharing some tips for keeping the busy-ness of our lives from interfering with our writing projects. Naturally, the subject of blogs came up.



Not everyone in the group was convinced blogging is such a good idea. Some of us wonder if maybe it ends up being one more distraction that gets in the way of our other writing projects. By the time I’ve written what I want to say and figured out how to make the damn thing look the way I want it to look by adding links and photos, I’m usually appalled at how long it’s taken. And so I end up with even less time for the other writing I want to be doing.



On the other hand…the faithful bloggers in my workshop claimed it lets them exercise their writing muscles on a regular basis. They said blogging encourages them to observe and pay closer attention to what’s going on around them so they can turn it into a blog post. And finally, they like the fact that blogging gives them a head start on ideas they can come back to later since blog posts can be edited, revised, expanded upon, polished and turned into articles, poems, essays, short stories, memoirs, or just about anything a writer might want to turn out.



As for me….the jury’s still out. It’s nearly September and I haven’t posted anything since April. That’s pretty clear evidence that I don’t have the kind of lifestyle (not to mention the discipline) needed to be a faithful blogger. But I love to write, almost as much as I love to read, and one way or another on most days I usually manage to do both. I doubt if my blog will ever replace the journal I’ve been keeping for the past 30 or so years. And I’ve been accumulating a jumble of notes and jottings about a couple of ideas that are begging to be written about. Because I have to admit that having had one book published is a little like getting one tattoo. You just naturally want to do it again. (And I know what I’m talking about – having done both!)



Having spent far too much time trying to get the following information centered under the graphics that appear in this post, I’ll do it this way instead:
“A Matter of Time” Kathleen Patrick
“Blogging Woman” free clip art
“the Time” Giovanni Rapti
“Edith Wharton at her writing desk” from the Beinecki Library, Rm 26
“Man Getting a Tattoo” free clip art

Friday, April 30, 2010

Ostfiiesland Heritage




I don’t often think about my German heritage and so last week when I took my mother to a German dinner - sponsored by the Ostfriesen Heritage Society of Grundy Center, Iowa – I was surprised at how nostalgic I became for a way of life that I actually know very little about.

My mother grew up in a rural part of Iowa that had been settled by immigrants from Ostfriesen, Germany. It’s located in the northwest corner of Germany on the North Sea Coast....



... and when my mother’s grandmother left it behind to come to this country along with scores of others from the same area, she brought with her a rich store of traditions and customs. She also brought along a distinctive language, Plattdeutsch, otherwise known as Low German. Over the years, the language, as well as the special customs and the traditions of the area, have been gradually disappearing. And I suspect that my mother’s generation is probably the last to have vivid memories of what it was like to grow up surrounded by people who spoke Low German and did things the way their ancestors had done them.



Mother told me that when she was a little girl, Low German was still the primary language in many homes. But there was a move on to change all that. In fact mother tells the story about how hard the pastor of their small country church worked to switch his Sunday services from Low German into English since so many in the congregation wanted it that way. But some of the older members were dead set against it and so the poor pastor, trying hard to please everyone, compromised by conducting the service in Low German one week and English the next. As the older members passed away, so did the Sunday services in Low German!



Mother belonged to the first generation that did not hold on to the language. When she married and moved away to a different part of the state she left behind the language and customs of her ancestors. The only time my siblings and I heard Low German spoken was during our brief summer vacations with our beloved grandparents. We couldn’t understand it, let alone speak it, but we grew up loving to listen to Grandma and Grandpa when they started talking in Low German (usually when there was something they didn’t want us to know about.)

So one of the best things about the German dinner, in addition to the Schweinebraten Lende (roasted pork loin), the Stompt Toffels mit Stip (mashed potatoes with gravy) Gruner Bohnen & Rot Kohl (green beans and red cabbage), was the chance I had to listen to the familiar sing-song cadence of Low German which sounded exactly the way I remembered it sounding all those years ago. Here’s an example.

That was a commercial for a popular brand of Ostfriesen tea, and to my great delight my name was drawn for one of the door prizes that was given away the at the German dinner - a bag of Bunting tea! It couldn’t have been a more appropriate prize for me since the one Ostfriesen custom I’m familiar with is tea time thanks to those summer vacations with grandma and grandpa.



Without fail, we always had tea in the afternoon and again before bedtime. And whenever friends came by – no matter what time of the day – Grandma always put the tea kettle on, got out her pretty tea cups and saucers, and set about in the kitchen to put together a tray of freshly baked cakes and cookies that were always ready to be served whenever company came.

My mother has told me that tea-time used to involve a fairly elaborate set of social rules. For one thing it was unthinkable for a hostess to be caught without something that had been freshly baked and ready to be passed around on one of her prettiest serving platters. The tea itself had to be prepared correctly. Here is how mother remembers doing it:

Fill the teakettle with water and heat it until it is just about ready to boil. Meanwhile fill the tea pot with tea leaves – one teaspoon per cup and one for the pot. Pour the hot (but not boiling) water into the pot to cover the leaves and allow them to steep for 3 to six minutes. Then fill the pot with the rest of the hot water. Now the tea is ready to serve using a strainer to prevent loose tea leaves from ending up in the tea cups. But wait….it has to be done correctly, because it’s customary to serve tea with cream and sugar. And not just ordinary grain sugar or (horrors) powdered coffee creamer. No, it’s got to be heavy cream and kluntjes.



Kluntjes are lumps of rock candy that are placed in the tea cup before the tea is poured. Then comes the cream and this is the tricky part: you fill a spoon with cream (preferably using a Rohmlepel – a spoon with a round deep bowl intended just for this purpose) and very gingerly dribble it across the surface of the tea making sure that the spoon doesn’t actually come in contact with the liquid.



If you perform this little procedure correctly the cream will sink briefly into the tea and then rise back to the surface in the form of flowery cloud. I am determined to try this for myself sometime just to see if I can do it and I’ve even found a youtube video that illustrates how it’s done.

Ostfriesen tea time usually involves more than just one cup of tea. Mother says that a good hostess kept a watchful eye on the tea cups. If they were empty it meant “more please.” On the other hand if a tea cup had been turned upside down on the saucer it meant “no more, thank you.”

My generation is probably the first to have grown up with such scanty knowledge about the language and customs that were such an important part of our Oestfriesen ancestors’ way of life. But at least I have a tiny little bit to hang on to and possibly even hand along to my children. Perhaps I should invite them to come for teatime one of these days…..

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Turning Sixty-Five


Sixty-Four
Herman Schouwenburg

I've been thinking of getting another tattoo. That's what I did 15 years ago when I turned 50. It wasn't because I was trying to act like a twenty-year old by demonstrating that I could be outrageous, rebellious and unconventional. But rather it was because entering my fifties was an exciting and energizing time for me. I needed a rite of passage and unfortunately they're hard to come by in our culture. So instead I got a tattoo.

And now here I am at the threshold of my 65th birthday. It's time for another rite of passage. Something a little more momentous than signing up for Medicare (although for the time being I guess that will have to do.)



I need something that gives the lie to the ubiquitous notion in our youth-obsessed culture that getting old is about the worst thing that could happen to a person. It's probably more of a problem for women who are terrified about losing their youthful figures, their youthful skin, their youthful appearances. And I'll be the first to admit that it was an awfully lot of fun being able to prance around in a body that looked a lot more attractive than the one I'm currently inhabiting. I think about that sometimes when I'm in the shower room at the gym, changing out of my "mature-cut" swimming suit back into my shapeless jeans and baggy sweatshirt while all around me sleek young bodies clad in thong underwear are stepping into skin tight pants and sleeveless tops with plunging necklines.

And I'll admit that sometimes I'd love to have just a few hours of being young again - just so I could get all dolled up in a clingy little red dress, with my hair loose around my shoulders and best of all... a pair of very VERY high heel shoes to slip my pedicured feet into.

But I wouldn't want to walk around that way for very long. It's because, strange as this probably sounds, I prefer being older. For one thing, I've always known I'd end up here if I lived long enough. And as a younger woman I used to wonder what kind of older woman I would turn out to be.


The thought intrigued me because I sensed that I would still be the same person I've always been...only more so! And it was intriguing to speculate about what the "more so" would consist of. Now I think I have a better idea.


Old Woman Reading
Gerrit Dou

I suspect the "more so" part of being at the threshold of old age has to with taking advantage of what I've learned through all the years that have brought me here. Like the art of paying attention and why it's worth slowing down in order to do it. Like the importance of cutting people a little slack instead of expecting them to do things my way all the time. Like how counterproductive it is to persist in thinking I actually can be in control of everything I would like to be in control of. Like the realization that there is usually more good in a person than his or her own worst fault. Like the ability to trust that my deepest intuition usually turns out to be true - and that applies to everything from the things I believe (and disbelieve) about God to the decisions I make about how to spend my money.


Old Woman Playing a Flute
Lambert Jacobsz

Of course what really matters about the things we learn is the extent to which we're able to use them. Most likely I'll be given plenty of opportunities to do that now that I am about to turn 65 - an age that society deems the official entry point into bono fide old age. Especially since I've heard it said again and again by those who have been there that it's hell to be old.

And yet I'm reminded of those children's stories with fairy godmothers that arrived whenever a newborn prince or princess was christened. With a wave of their magic wands they would leave behind a special gift that would endow the sleeping infant with special qualities and abilities he or she would be needing in order to live a happy life.

Standing here on the threshold of what many people would just as soon avoid at all costs, it might be nice to have a fairy godmother handy. But I know that living a happy life has nothing to do with fairy godmothers and everything to do with the values, attitudes and insights we acquire over the years. And so I'm hoping I've learned a thing or two that I'll be able to take along with me from here on out....things any sensible fairy godmother would want to leave behind for anyone approaching a 65th birthday.....Things like....






.....resiliency in order to cope with physical changes and health problems instead of complaining about them

....flexibility in order to deal with what simply can't be anticipated

...determinationn to live as serenely as possible with paradox and ambiguity

...strength to cope with pain and loss and grief

...discernment in order to recognize the difference between what can be changed and what can't

...tolerance of those whose visions, values, and points of view are different from my own

...reverence and gratitude for everyone and everything that brings joy and beauty into my life

I hope these are the kinds of things I can take with me, along with another tattoo, now that I'm about to turn sixty-five because I have a feeling that without them I won't have much of a shot at turning into what I want to be when I grow up....a wise old woman.


Baba-Yaga
Donna Merchant-Crooks

Saturday, February 6, 2010

The Things I Save


“I am memory’s guest....I hear lost voices speak to me” (Linda Pastan)
After more years than I can even remember I’m finally getting around to something that was at the top of my list of projects I intended to tackle when I retired: to go through and organize the contents of all the drawers and chests filled with things that belonged to grandmothers and great- grandmothers and assorted other relatives (many of whom died long before I was born.) Actually I have no choice but try to get organized once and for all now that our dining room has become the holding area for the boxes of stuff we keep bringing back with us as we get ready to sell Denny’s mother’s home. It’s a daunting task because I have yet to finish the boxes we brought back with us a few years ago when we went through the same thing with my folks.

As we were going through my mother-in-law’s house trying to decide what to save and what to include in the auction, my sister-in-law kept asking how many years have to go by before something ceases to have sentimental value. A practical question I suppose. But for someone like me (who has been accused of going a bit overboard when it comes to saving stuff) I think the answer is: for as long as there’s someone to remember why it’s important to hang on to it. Or as long as whatever is being saved is a link to someone who belongs to the “we of me.” That phrase from Carson McCuller’s novel, The Member of the Wedding, has always struck me as a good way to think about the people in our families.


Being part of a “we” adds layers and layers of depth and significance to my life and makes being “me” a lot more interesting. Without the we of me I wouldn’t be the person I am. And my life wouldn’t be as full of the joy that comes with belonging. So I suspect one of the major reasons I hang on to things I simply can’t part with is because they have so much to do with the we of me. They connect me in one way or another to people who matter in my life - those who are still an active part of it as well as those who have been gone a long long time. It’s why I keep the box full of letters Denny wrote to me the year before we were married (which he keeps hoping I’ll eventually burn) along with all sorts of other things that are connected to memories I’ve accumulated in 41 years of being married to him. It’s why I have two big file boxes, one marked Casey and another, Brendan, filled with pictures, drawings, notes, letters, school work, and heaven only knows what else that reminds me of the little boys they once were.

Brendan Day, 3rd grade


Casey Day, 7th grade

And it’s why I’ve been spending the last week going through what we brought back from my mother-in-law’s house and getting into what I had already squirreled away from relatives of my own. And even though some of it once belonged to people
I have never met, it's a reminder that these people are all a part of the we of me. Here for example is a little bag I found in the bottom of one of the boxes I unpacked today. Inside was a faded scrap of paper with a note written by Nellie Miller, Denny’s grandma.


Both Grandma Miller and her mother, Augusta Hart Thomas have been gone a long long time, but they are still part of the we of me. Interestingly, I have recently learned to crochet and when I found this little bag I decided not to pack it away but rather to keep it with my own cache of crochet materials. I love the unmistakable sense of being connected to these two women this way. The little blue bag with its tiny beads and faded ribbon will be there each time I pick up my own crocheting – a sweet reminder that I have something in common with Grandma Miller and her mother, Augusta, who both loved to crochet.

And here’s something else. I found it while rummaging through some stuff my mother gave me several years ago.

This is the sleigh blanket my Grandpa Ray Toomsen used to tuck around my mother’s lap and legs after he lifted her into the sleigh on frosty mornings when he’d have to hitch up the horses and drive her along the icy lanes to the one room school house she attended.

My Grandpa Ray Toomsen with his team of horses

Mother told me that the heavy woolen sleigh blanket kept her warm and toasty as she sat bundled inside it, with her feet tucked on the soapstone that had been taken out of the stove and wrapped in newspaper to retain its heat. I like to imagine what those sleigh rides must have been like and to picture my gentle Grandpa, (someone I loved s
o dearly and still miss), talking quietly to my mother while keeping a watchful eye on the horses as they pulled the sleigh over the snowy fields.

And one more thing (although I could go on and on with this). This little 3”x6” notebook, with First State Bank Wellsburg, Iowa embossed on its cover was originally intended to keep track of financial transactions long before the advent of on-line banking.

I've kept it, along with a packet of letters that date back over one hundred years, in a tattered black leather “pocketbook” that once belonged to my Great-Grandma Martha Tjaden Riekens. But Grandma didn’t use the little book to keep track of her bank account. Instead, frugal woman that she was (and having just come through the depression), she used it as a diary. Having kept journals of my own for the past 40 years, this little diary of Grandma’s is especially precious to me because it proves we share something in common: a need to write down bits and pieces of our lives.


Grandma’s diary entries, (which record what the weather was like that day, the floors, walls, windows and workwork she washed, the cookies she baked, and the friends who came to call in the forenoon or afternoon or evening for tea) leave me with the impression that her life wasn’t terribly exciting – at least from my perspective. And yet there are about 10 pages at the end of the diary that have been neatly cut out, leaving me to wonder just what exactly had she written and later decided to destroy. It’s a compelling reminder that there’s so much more to the people we love than we’ll ever be able to know. All the more reason, perhaps, to hang on to what we do know – and love – about them.

We’ve all heard it said (usually at funerals) that people live on in the memories of those who are left behind to rememb
er them. Perhaps saving the things that once belonged to people we remember helps keep those people with us for a little while longer – even those who died long before we knew they had even lived. And so I hold the little blue bag Augusta Hart Thomas crocheted so long ago, and I run my hands across the coarse wool of the heavy sleigh blanket my Grandpa Ray once used to keep my mother warm, and I thumb through the pages of my Great-Grandma's little diary and I remember them...these people who will always be a part of the we of me.

My Grandpa Ray Toomsen and my mother, Vivolyn Toomsen Keninger