This picture of my dad at his desk was taken when he was a young architect just starting out in business. Now all these years later, he is in the last stages of Alzheimers and is very close to death. It is a difficult time for all of us and during these heartbreaking days of waiting and praying for an end to his suffering, I am reminding myself that most of us have within us what we need to deal with difficult and troubling life events. We just need to give ourselves a chance to get in touch with it. And I suspect that one way for me to do that is by trying, to the degree that I am able, to make sure there is consistency between the things I say and do, and the best things about who I am. This can be tricky because I think there is a tendency for the opposite to happen in stressful and tense situations. Times like this can often bring out the worst things about a person.
And yet I have always believed that even though I cannot control the tough stuff that happens in the course of my lifetime, I have a great deal of control over how I am going to deal with it. The problem of course is how to stay centered and focused when bad things happen so that I can avoid being overwhelmed by them. Because once that happens I start feeling fragmented and disoriented by the anxieties and worries that surround me and soon I begin to lose perspective. It is as if my world shrinks and becomes a very small place where all my attention gets focused on what is troubling me – so that I end up forgetting all about everything else that matters in my life.
What I need to do when this starts happening is to find a way to reclaim the things about who I am and how I live that will help restore peace and harmony and perspective in my life. I need to take time not only to restore my energies, but also to give myself permission to go beneath the surface of what’s troubling me – not to dwell on how hard it is but rather to try to search for the deeper meaning that is usually to be found there. I have always suspected that the only way I can ever pay attention to how God is present in my life (whoever and whatever God is) is by looking for the deeper meaning in things. And so it makes sense to take this same approach when confronted with difficult and troubling life-events.
I also believe there is wisdom in making a point of remembering the things that I have always found most meaningful, significant and beautiful about life. Perhaps this is why one of my favorite scriptural quotes comes from Philippians 4:8-9. It is a reminder that when life gets hard, it is good to think about those things that make it worthwhile: Think about what is good, what is enduring, what is affirming. Think about the people I cherish and those that cherish me. Think about everything I have learned about what it means to live my life attentively...and then keep on doing it. Keep on keeping on and sooner or later I know that I will find my way back to being the person I know in my heart I really am.
While it is tempting to wish I could avoid the pain of what’s going on in my life right now, I know the only way through it is….through it. Rather than letting myself be overwhelmed by the problems, difficulties and sorrows I’m encountering these days, I think there is wisdom in letting myself be immersed in them instead. Language teachers know that “immersion experiences” are the best way for a person to learn a new language. So I suspect being fully immersed in whatever is happening in my life - including the sorrow and pain of waiting for my dad's death - will help me learn a little more about what it means to be me.
1 comment:
I admire you for facing this difficult time head on, and going forward with your immersion approach. In recent years, I have tried the opposite approach, to ignore the troubles and focus on other, more positive, things in my life. The problem with that is that the issue still needs to be dealt with one way or another.
All my love to you during this difficult time.
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